Lido

Alan McCormick / Jonny Voss

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"I've been swimming around all over town
oh, oh, oh, lido
with my speedos and goggles up and down
oh, oh, oh, lido"
- Sexy's Swim Tight Funsters


At the Pablo Picasso Municipal Baths a giant Aztec one-eyed man is king.

Candy rock elephantuses give local funsters a ride for their monies and the tiniest bird in all of London climbs a lighthouse rock to serenade the city sky.

Tonight the sky is a giant Satsuma towel and a beardy plastic-gloved bison climbs out of the water to lope his way home. When all the nonsenses and silly bums are safely away, the crack local swimming team come out to practice and play.

First off is Graham the motor mouth mouse instructor, who performs cartwheels and underwater acrobatics; next up is Millicent Fork Handle, who dives right into the bottom of the pool causing a giant leak; last up is Aztec King, who sacrifices two local pigeons. The feathers prove handy to plug the leak and the weekly training competition commences: seven laps, a back-wheel tumble, and an apple pie in the scrotum sack. Aztec King is a bloody and deserved winner. Elephantus is second, and Graham Mouse ties third-equal with sacrificial pigeon number two.



© Alan McCormick / Jonny Voss

imageABOUT THE ARTISTS
Jonny Voss creates the pictures and Alan McCormick writes the words. The excerpts from Dumpsters were inspired by summer walks around Vauxhall and Walthamstow in search of discarded objects. Recent collaborations are even more accidental but like all their work share a desire for spontaneity and impulsiveness. They are also working on an illustrated children's book, Udo's Search for the Two Colins.

Alan McCormick's fiction has been widely published and an assortment of his stories have appeared previously on Dogmatika, whilst you are likely to see Jonny Voss's pictures every day, on billboards and in shops—you can discover more at Jonny Voss.com. Further McCormick & Voss collaborations can be found in Volume Magazine 2 and on Dead Drunk Dublin.